Your wife has been seeing me, her sex counselor, for a while now. She initially came to me because sex was pretty lame and she never got to come, and for some reason, the poor thing really thought it was her fault. We talked things through and analyzed the situation, and I gave her a couple of suggestions.

Among many things, I asked her to talk about it with you, which seems to have failed every time, because you weren't willing to listen to her and called all this "whining". So I decided to have both of you here today, because sex is something two people do, not just one!