These pumpkins have been sitting around for over a month. I’ve been eyeing them simply dying to know how it would feel to stomp them into pieces in an old pair of boots. Taking them out near the compost, stroking them with the boots in anticipation, I can’t help noticing everyone glancing over to see what I’m doing. There are roofers at the house next door, internet installers on the other side and movers across the way. Deciding it doesn’t matter if they watch it’s time to crush the pumpkins, feeling the satisfying crack when they give way. Do you see some of them stopping to watch? I bet ...

These pumpkins have been sitting around for over a month. I’ve been eyeing them simply dying to know how it would feel to stomp them into pieces in an old pair of boots. Taking them out near the compost, stroking them with the boots in anticipation, I can’t help noticing everyone glancing over to see what I’m doing. There are roofers at the house next door, internet installers on the other side and movers across the way. Deciding it doesn’t matter if they watch it’s time to crush the pumpkins, feeling the satisfying crack when they give way. Do you see some of them stopping to watch? I bet they’re not going to know what to do with the surprise I have planned for you when I’m finished! It’s getting tricky to keep my balance on these pieces, here do you want to lick the boots clean? Now that I’ve had some fun let me take them off. Look. I’ve tucked some pumpkin inside, you should wear them now, they’re your new boots, thank me properly.