What is the matter my little man? Are you frightened in the dark? Would you like carer to hop into your cot and lie next to you for a cuddle?

There, let me get under the blanket with you. That feels nice. Do you have wet diaper yet? I need to feel inside it. Oh my goodness, is that a stiffy you have? Hmm let me see. Oh yes, a big stiffy.

Are you still really scared? Maybe if I stroke your stiffy you will feel better. Yes, I think you do. What if I kiss it? Would you like that? Mmm I like your big, thick stiffy. It looks good enough to eat....