Darling, things in this relationship haven't really turned out the way I expected it to be. I mean, you're so...unmanly. So...beta. And I mean that in every single way. I haven't been satisfied. In fact, I've been disappointed.

Don't get me wrong – I love how you clean the house, do the chores, buy me gifts, spoil me and pamper me – but also, the longer I'm with you, the more I realize you're a bitch. And I am not sexually into that.

I downloaded Tinder today. Got quite a few matches, as you're probably unsurprised to hear. We're going out on a date tonight.

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