I wake up after an impressively long nap (what year is it? Wait...what century is it?) to a sweet little birthday surprise by you, my dedicated little human slave. You bought me balloons, and a crown, and a birthday sash! How adorable!! It is a big birthday for me, isn't it: 1,000 years old. I am one of the oldest most renowned vampire, and that's because I have such dedicated little slaves. Isn't that right, my boy?

I am ravenous! Oh look: a celebratory cake with rainbow sprinkles and everything! How sweet. But you know that I'm not much for American desserts (Romanian prajituri, ... Show more