I am sooo not a fan of fat, lardy, lumpy guys. I'm naturally thin, so I get to eat all I want without gaining an ounce. You, however, need to go on a diet. ASAP. I've devised the perfect, humiliating weight loss plan for you- the lard is going to come sliding right off! In no time at all, you're going to look like a regular, normal loser dude... instead of the giant beach ball you resemble now!