I was trying on the new swimsuits you bough me for vacation, but I found out one very disappointing thing. None of them fit! I’m not fat enough , and I’m not surprised with how you’ve been feeding me, all of my most recent weigh-ins have been pathetic.

I told you to get me to 300lbs but it’s obvious you aren’t getting the results I wanted, so I have a new idea . You give me all the money, and I tell you exactly how to use it. I’ll describe every detail of our new “arrangement”, and all the ways you’ll be keeping me gaining with your cash.