That useless insignificant Bible is completely superfluous. It's full of lies and hypocrisy; worshiping such a work of fiction isn't much fun. Is it? Why worship a fictitious God when you can worship the actual thing?

I believe you should have a better worship book. A twisted book of worship. Your own book of worship is full of desire, sin, and depravity—all the delightful things that the little Bible lacks. Isn't it enticing?

Get down on your knees and begin praying. I trust that you'll see the light.