I see you’re all grown up, but also that nothing has changed. In high school all my jock friends used to bully, especially giving you wedgies. I remember they would pull your underwear so hard we could see the fresh stains wiped from your ass crack. I bet you have our degrading chants of “WEDGIE WEDGIE WEDGIE” permanently burned into your brain. I bet you wished it was me ripping you in half with your tightie whities. That’s why I see you as the same old loser from school, you bring out the caddy mean girl in grown women. We just have to act on our primal instinct to humiliate the weak ass...

I see you’re all grown up, but also that nothing has changed. In high school all my jock friends used to bully, especially giving you wedgies. I remember they would pull your underwear so hard we could see the fresh stains wiped from your ass crack. I bet you have our degrading chants of “WEDGIE WEDGIE WEDGIE” permanently burned into your brain. I bet you wished it was me ripping you in half with your tightie whities. That’s why I see you as the same old loser from school, you bring out the caddy mean girl in grown women. We just have to act on our primal instinct to humiliate the weak ass loser simp. At least you’ll have new trauma to stroke yourself to bed at night.