Thank you all for attending today’s lecture... as you know, I’m the leading expert on traditional marriage and encouraging respectable communities. I’m sure you’ve all read a copy of my book because it’s required reading at this superior university.

I’ve brought with me today a young man that recently approached me and begged to be locked up by me... he’s agreed to help me show you how chastity and relentless teasing can affect your brain and turn someone in to a total joke of a human being.

Oh and full disclosure, he is paying me $500 a month to hold his keys.

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