Wearing my tall black gloss Hunter wellies and all this shiny PVC makes me want to just crush and stomp on everything. I've been told I have powerful legs before. Just watch as I take this poor, helpless pineapple and completely annihilate it beneath my feet.

I start by gently tapping the pineapple with my boot, teasing it almost. But don't worry, I won't be gentle for long. Stomp! I bring my heel down hard, the juices squirting out as I leave a deep imprint in the flesh. I can feel the power in my legs as I grind down, smashing the pineapple into the floor, and pulling it back out,...

Wearing my tall black gloss Hunter wellies and all this shiny PVC makes me want to just crush and stomp on everything. I've been told I have powerful legs before. Just watch as I take this poor, helpless pineapple and completely annihilate it beneath my feet.

I start by gently tapping the pineapple with my boot, teasing it almost. But don't worry, I won't be gentle for long. Stomp! I bring my heel down hard, the juices squirting out as I leave a deep imprint in the flesh. I can feel the power in my legs as I grind down, smashing the pineapple into the floor, and pulling it back out, bits of it sticking to my boot as I go.

I can see the thick juice coating my boot, the smell of fresh pineapple filling the air. I trample it again and again, feeling the resistance give way beneath my feet. I keep going, grinding it into the floor, pieces of pineapple flesh flying out in all directions.

I crouch down, pineapple now completely obliterated. My boots are covered in juice and flesh, the remnants of my victim. I grab and tear bits of the pineapple and smear it all over my wellies. I'm coated, and I love it.

I bet you'd love to be that pineapple, wouldn't you? ;)