We have been friends for a very long time. I bring out the best in you, I bring you out of your shell. I add color to your black and white life. I'm a butterfly and you're an introverted little weirdo but somehow we get along. I like to tease you and today is no different. I announce we should go to lunch, grab some happy hour drinks and then go to the nail salon together. This makes you attempt to defend the fragile, tiny bit of masculinity that you have. I scoff at this, "Why can't we get our nails done? Men get their nails done all the time, don't be stupid. You really want me to go alo...

We have been friends for a very long time. I bring out the best in you, I bring you out of your shell. I add color to your black and white life. I'm a butterfly and you're an introverted little weirdo but somehow we get along. I like to tease you and today is no different. I announce we should go to lunch, grab some happy hour drinks and then go to the nail salon together. This makes you attempt to defend the fragile, tiny bit of masculinity that you have. I scoff at this, "Why can't we get our nails done? Men get their nails done all the time, don't be stupid. You really want me to go alone? I'll be so bored!" I accuse you of having a foot fetish. This horrifies you. I spend 10 minutes berating and interrogating you about it until I finally reveal that I found your foot fetish twitter account. You finally admit to it and then I offer to let you worship my feet. You are beyond excited. You NEVER could have shared this dirty secret with anyone else. It never occurred to you that you would actually be able to worship a woman's feet. You are delighted! I tell you that you can suck my toes and lick my feet when we get back from our activities. When we get back, however, I have a dirty plan in mind.