Hi babe... we really need to talk about something. The thing is...I've been cheating on you for a while now. With your best friend. I'm only finally telling you about this, because well...I'm going to leave you for him! He's just better than you in every aspect, and I do mean EVERY aspect. I've learned that I'm a size queen and it can't be helped. So that's that! I've decided to be with your best friend now!!! Unless...you make some changes. Changes in your expectations as a man, and changes in your life style...