A TOASTER!? Oh, you've only known me for years and years, and you give me a toaster for my Birthday? For fuck's---okay, I try to give you thoughtful gifts, sure. What am I to you? We already have a toaster even. Your gift just doesn't sit well with me at all.

I know I've been withholding sex from you the past week. I've been upset about it. And no, you aren't getting any tonight either. You know why? TOASTER. That's why. Also, I've been waiting on your second Birthday present for me to arrive in the mail. Yeah, I used your credit card and bought myself a new one. It's just ther... Show more