If I'd have known this ugly earring would take me from loser with a dick to bimbo bitch with tits, I would have snatched them both out of her ears.

Sure, I lost my mind a little when I couldn't find my dick as I was about to take my morning piss, but the shock gave way to the wetness between my legs. They say every fuck-up is an opportunity, and I see gold in these hills, erm, tits. Tomorrow this little brat is going to from college party to working the pole, and as for that vapid skank in my body? Who gives a rat's ass? She'll have to get used to 12 hour days and a belly.