Every year I try to find something ridiculous and humiliating on New Year’s Eve. I want to be sure you start the year off right, debasing yourself for my amusement. We’re going to continue this tradition. This year, you’re going to give yourself a special enema.

I know for most of you, you’ve never given yourself an enema. Well that changes tonight. You’re going to suck all that liquid right up your ass and I’m going to get to watch you act like an idiot after you do. It’s surely going to be embarrassing for you.

I’ll find it hilarious.