Are you ready to embrace being a hand humper? To say goodbye to your dignity, or are you still ashamed? You never wanted to be like this, but you knew this is how you would end up.

You pull such stupid faces when you stroke, when you goon, when you’re all alone. It might be your little secret, but I know the truth.

I want you to pump. I want you to get real silly for me.

Embrace being a hand humper, Stupid.

You will do anything to please me.