I know when you've been naughty.

I know when you've been nice.

And I know when you haven't gotten laid a single day in your life.

When it comes to my version of Christmas, being a virgin is no blessed thing. It's a laughable predicament that needs to be rectified. But first, it's got to be called out. So if this Christmas is seeing you alone (again), you deserve to be humiliated and dragged through the mud, and you know it.

Let me tell you about yourself while you cozy up in front of the fireplace with your headphones on and a nice beverage in your hand. ... Show more