I have something important to tell you, on the eve of our baby's birthday. The baby isn't yours. It never was, never has been, never will be. And I'm not a virgin. I've been fucking around behind your back since the start, and feeding you elaborate lies about an "immaculate conception". You'll bring up this baby as your own, my cuckold husband, and you'll keep up my lie to everyone else, you stupid, pathetic, beta male.