Happy birthday! Congrats on being a virgin for another year. Really it's getting pathetic now...I don't think it's ever going to happen for you. If you haven't gotten fucked by 29 I don't think you ever will. Everyone knows you're a loser. And I mean everyone. Even your family. They don't care about your birthday. At best they'll send you a cheap card in the mail. And you don't have any friends to pick up the slack. No friends, no phone notifications, no girlfriend...nothing but your loser hobbies. I guess that's how you'll spend your birthday huh? Binging to humiliation porn.

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