Happy birthday! This isn't so much of a cake as it is a piece of bread with a candle and some cum on it, but it is better than anything you could have planned and it is more than you deserve!

It isn't like you had any real plans for your birthday anyway, so you can thank me for being the only one to think of you on this most miserable day. I guess if you wanted to know what you could do that would make you look and feel as pathetic as you are then this is so fitting for you!