You were told over and over again how dirty and disgusting it is for you to touch yourself. God sees you and what you do with that thing and he is disgusted! How many times do I have to remind you not to touch it. You are a filthy sinner. You are a pervert. You are going to go to hell if you do not stop and ask for forgiveness now.

Since you cannot seem to stop, we will have to take drastic measures and remove it so there is no temptation. It will hurt for a while, but you will get over it. You will thank me because you will be forgiven and allowed into heaven.