You start thinking about how many videos you have, how much money you have spent, how much time used up on jerking off. It terrifies you, but you will do nothing to change this. You are too scared to move, to try to stop. It is pointless to try to do anything other than give in. If you were to be free of this obsession you'd have nothing left. Nothing would excite you ever again. You need this, no matter how scared you might be of it.