When a normal person starts to feel sad or alone, they do things to make themselves feel better. They will go out and try to feel better. Sometimes they will even cry so they will feel better. You are not normal though. You WANT to feel this way, you even go out of your way to put this on yourself. You make sure that you feel this way, you do things to embarrass yourself and it turns you on. People don't like being alone, but you want to be alone, you want to feel like you will never be loved. You want to feel like a POS and it works for you because that's what you are!