You and I go to the same college, and I am your long time crush. You have been pining after me for a while now, yet I hardly notice you. One day you creepily show up at my house and confess your love to me. You have the impression that this is all very romantic, while I have the idea that this is all super creepy and disgusting. I start to berate you and tell you exactly what I think about you and your weird pathetic attempt at seducing me. I notice you look like you’re about to cry as you pull out your cell phone and start dialling a number. I laugh out loud because there is NO WAY a loser...

You and I go to the same college, and I am your long time crush. You have been pining after me for a while now, yet I hardly notice you. One day you creepily show up at my house and confess your love to me. You have the impression that this is all very romantic, while I have the idea that this is all super creepy and disgusting. I start to berate you and tell you exactly what I think about you and your weird pathetic attempt at seducing me. I notice you look like you’re about to cry as you pull out your cell phone and start dialling a number. I laugh out loud because there is NO WAY a loser like you has any friends to call. Upon further questioning I realise you are calling your step-mom! I laugh even louder before grabbing the phone just as she picks up. I figure—why not, let’s have a chat with her. But what comes next... no one was expecting!