The best gift you could ask for; a personal run down of just how pathetic you are, delivered by a supreme Goddess far out of your league. Running through every aspect of your sad existence - notably your failure to ever even kiss a girl, this is the ultimate in a long line of rejections, but at least I tell you exactly how it is - no sugarcoating. You’re a sexless, boring, utterly insufferable loser, destined to be forever alone.