You're not gay, straight, bi or pan.. you're Goonsexual. A jaded tugger who's been so mind fucked by me that gooning is the only way you achieve sexual satisfaction.

When you see me, you never think of fucking me. The 5 seconds you'd last during real sex doesn't compare to the hours you can spend in teased bliss stroking to my perfection. With enough practice, you'll soon become a Valorasexual. Submit to your fate and embrace your new sexual identity as a Goonsexual.