I love working out. My favorite thing about working out is how strong and muscular I am. Watch as I flex and tell you about my regimen. I do pull downs, 75lbs or more. I squat two plates which is 45 lbs each plus 30 lbs on the bar. Not on the smith machine! I do real squats, free squats on the rack. I'm a .

I do leg presses, two plates on each side, no problem.

And my other favorite thing about working out is my protein kale smoothie I drink each time I get home from the gym. It has raw kale, greek yogurt, blueberries, avocados and pure no high fructose cranberry juice. I ...

I love working out. My favorite thing about working out is how strong and muscular I am. Watch as I flex and tell you about my regimen. I do pull downs, 75lbs or more. I squat two plates which is 45 lbs each plus 30 lbs on the bar. Not on the smith machine! I do real squats, free squats on the rack. I'm a .

I do leg presses, two plates on each side, no problem.

And my other favorite thing about working out is my protein kale smoothie I drink each time I get home from the gym. It has raw kale, greek yogurt, blueberries, avocados and pure no high fructose cranberry juice. I throw it in the nutri bullet and it comes out to perfection.

But that still isn't enough protein. I want so much protein, all the protein.

I saw a video about somewhere in Asia people eat crickets and grasshoppers and they are loaded with protein, plus they seem to really enjoy them. I don't have an abundance of pesticide free crickets or grasshoppers but I do have a considerable invasion of tiny men all over my damn house. I'm sure they are also loaded with protein.

So one day after my workout, I grab one. They aren't hard to catch. I see them watching me all the time. Under the couch, the doorways, hiding in the cracks by the trim. They look right at me, drop their little pants and jerk off.

{shudders}

I've called exterminators before but they thought I was insane. Tiny men they said, yeah ok lady. I explained to them I am a witch and I do a lot of spells against men so this is part of the three fold rule, something I have to endure but I'd still like a free estimate. They usually just hang up.

So I grab one. I toss him in my mouth and bring my strong molars down onto and underneath him with a crunch. Hmm! I don't know what sauteed grasshoppers taste like but raw tiny men are pretty good!

So it has become part of my regimen. I work out, come home, drink my smoothie and sit for about an hour just chomping down on and devouring little men. There hasn't been any adverse reactions yet and I'm enjoying the protein.

Until today.

Today they decide to take their tiny vengeance on me. I think it's bad enough when my stomach starts to cramp but then it bloats, big... huge... as big as a watermelon.

I strip my shirt off and scream in pain, grabbing my huge belly. It is then that I feel something wriggling in my bellybutton. OMG they are bursting through me! They're digging their way out through my belly button.

I think I've really overdone it this time. I collapse, overcome by the revenge of the tiny men.