I'm so glad you could make it, I wanted to show you something. You see this? This is a magnum condom and I want to ensure you fit. So get over here and pull off those pants, I want to see it!
...Oh my, what is that little peanut?! The condom will devour it. You're about 10 times too small for what want. It's so tiny I feel the need to talk to it like a widdle baybee dick.
On second thought I think you've embarrassed yourself enough. Stop wasting my time and get out of me face.