You are so lucky to have met me! I have trained you to appreciate finer things in life, art, history, culture, to aim for better, and used your money in the best way possible. Without me, you would be a just another bling nouveau-riche Kardashian-worshipping loser with a penchant for a later-day dictator chic style and poor table manners. And now I control you, your money, and your tiny mushroom cock...