Every office should have this option to use people as furniture. You would be the first to show up with this resume because you know this is the only thing you are good for. If I couldn't use you as a comfy office chair I would have had to fire you. I bet all the real men that work in the office are laughing at you - they can see how useless you are. You are just stuck underneath my ass being used as an inanimate object. I don't care if I hurt you or if you have a hard time breathing. You are so useless! Replaceable.