Freshly returned from a hike, my not-so-fresh sneaker adorned feet greet you. They’re so sweaty and richly perfumed that you can practically smell them through your screen. Sadly, you won’t be getting much to any of my attention, as I ignore you, only making time for the casual insult here and there, and taunt you with my clammy feet in perfect view of the screen, dangling perfectly out of your reach. Keep gooning, loser...you’ve never been worth my time, anyways.

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