Happy Valentine's Day, dear. This year I'm going to go out and have sex with my insanely talented and well endowed lover while you stay home. It's not my fault your dick is crooked, itsy bitsy, ugly, and revolting. Nor is it my fault that your sex skills are completely lacking. Seriously, who taught you how to go down on women? Ugh. Gross. Wrong. Well, I'm off to have mind-blowing sex while you stay home cleaning and reflecting on your horrible skills.

Happy Valentine's Day, dear. This year I'm going to go out and have sex with my insanely talented and well endowed lover while you stay home. It's not my fault your dick is crooked, itsy bitsy, ugly, and revolting. Nor is it my fault that your sex skills are completely lacking. Seriously, who taught you how to go down on women? Ugh. Gross. Wrong. Well, I'm off to have mind-blowing sex while you stay home cleaning and reflecting on your horrible skills.