It's time for us to talk about the future. It's time to talk about what will happen after you're gone. It's time to talk about your will. You may think you know who is going to get what, but you don't. Your relatives don't matter. Your friends don't matter. Charities don't matter. Nothing matters, except me. I deserve it all. I am taking it all, every last cent. There won't be a penny left for anyone else. So sad. Too bad. Now take this pen and sign the new will that I have written.

It's time for us to talk about the future. It's time to talk about what will happen after you're gone. It's time to talk about your will. You may think you know who is going to get what, but you don't. Your relatives don't matter. Your friends don't matter. Charities don't matter. Nothing matters, except me. I deserve it all. I am taking it all, every last cent. There won't be a penny left for anyone else. So sad. Too bad. Now take this pen and sign the new will that I have written.