We need to talk. Well, I'm going to talk and you're going to listen. I won't beat around the bush. I'm leaving you. Honestly, this can't come as a surprise. Did you really think we had a good relationship? I am so out of your league, it's insane that I ever dated you in the first place.

I can see that you're wondering if I'm leaving you for someone else. Yes, I am. I can also tell that you're envisioning what kind of man I left you for. Well, I'm not leaving you for a man. I'm leaving you for a woman. That's right, being with you was so terrible, fucking you was so repulsive, that ...

We need to talk. Well, I'm going to talk and you're going to listen. I won't beat around the bush. I'm leaving you. Honestly, this can't come as a surprise. Did you really think we had a good relationship? I am so out of your league, it's insane that I ever dated you in the first place.

I can see that you're wondering if I'm leaving you for someone else. Yes, I am. I can also tell that you're envisioning what kind of man I left you for. Well, I'm not leaving you for a man. I'm leaving you for a woman. That's right, being with you was so terrible, fucking you was so repulsive, that it turned me off of dick for good.

And yes, I've been cheating on you with her for quite some time. The only reason I've even stayed with you for this long was because it was so much fun sneaking around behind your back to be with her.

You know, I have a bit of time before I have to meet up with my new girlfriend. So, I'm going to tell you all about how her and I met, and I'm going to let you know all of your shortcomings and how my new woman is far superior to you in every way.