This story is about you. It's a short story, naturally, because you are a man of few notable accomplishments. One barely worth noting. A blip on the screen.

It begins with your birth. You grow and mature into an unexceptional adult male. You have a job - a bland, beige career. And each night, you go home and perform the same routine you've done every night for years: beating off that dick to your own humiliation. The perverted little freak. What a tale.