I'm so sorry another date went down badly, sweetheart.

Step-Mommy hates to see you unhappy. You're at an age where sex and love and girls should just land in your lap. And maybe... that's where the problem lies.

I took a look at the browser memory on the home computer and your lack of discretion and secrecy gave Me the perfect idea to set you on the path of happiness. You just have to do everything step-Mommy says, okay?

Now open your mouth...