As much as O/our relationship has been cute (I suppose), I've decided to sit you down and come clean about a few things. Some things to address, some to confess.

Surprise! I'm still seeing someone outside of O/our marriage! In fact, I've been drafting up a list of changes that you're going to be making to your life with Me to keep Me happy and keep yourself compliant. Sad? I couldn't care less -- you're not going anywhere. So listen up, "love of My life."