I know your type. You’re a pathetic, dirty, pillow-humping pervert. You prefer banging away at that soft cushion, feeling the friction against your needy little dick. You like humping your pillow even more than jerking off and I think we can easily exclude actual vagina from the equation seeing as how you never get laid.

But tonight you’re going to impress me. Let go of your dignity and welcome to advanced pillow-humping. Time to step it up a notch, pillow slut.