Bow down, celebrate me and all the qualities I possess that make me the perfect, American princess. Then look down in between your legs and remember why you will always be the recipient of tease and denial. On every holiday, you stay at home and stroke to the humiliation I provide.

I thoroughly enjoy my first amendment rights; I am sexy, greedy, cruel and cunning, and I love telling you how you’re a pathetic stroke slut. Happy Independence Day, beta boys.