My feet really are overdue for a pedicure. But before I go in to have them pampered and my toenails painted, I wanted to do something special just for you, my devoted foot whores.

Kneel in anticipation, naked and at attention. Watch with bated breath as the saliva fills your mouth and your loser juice pumps into your foot-addicted balls. Stroke in worship and open wide as I trim these beautiful toenails just for you.