Face it, you are just a dirty findom addict. It will never change and the more you deny it the more the pervy feelings will grow. You should just accept, embrace and enjoy it. Enjoy stroking and spending and worshiping. It's better than sex for you now. You could never fulfill a woman sexually or emotionally and you barely manage it financially. So you may as well just please and serve me and make best use of this addiction. It's your sexuality now.