Did you hear the good news? We might have finally found a way to save the earth, instead of unsustainable plastics we've found a way to make ecologically sound ones that biodegrade and aren't too damaging to the environment.
Those clever clever scientists came up with a new way to make plastic, instead of oil, it uses sperm, unfortunately people like you seem to be really bad at collecting up your dick snot, so we're going to have to round you up and get you to do your duty!
I'm sure you'll enjoy it! At first at least! Come on then, wank to save the planet!