Don't you just adore my new nails?
Long and pretty... You know what else is long and pretty?
My huge dong, which funnily enough has a very similar colour scheme!
Don't panic, I know that you've never managed to take anything bigger than a finger, if you bend over with your butt in the air I bet I can make you relax with a nice, long nailed back massage... I can't promise I'll stay nice though ????