I know how ashamed you are about your tiny, little wiener and no amount of saying "it's not the size it's how you use it" is going to change that is it?
You're too embarrassed to try using it aren't you?
Well don't worry, I'm here to help you with your microscopic problem...
I've bought a penis pump that claims it will solve all of your problems, so let's put it together and see if it works.
It's probably going to hurt but it'll all be worth it right?