Are you serious? YOU have a DATE? No way. You. The loser. On a date. With a woman? This has to be some kind of joke. There's no way any self respecting woman would ever go on a date with a creep like you. It's not like you're attractive, charming, funny... I could go on, but I'd be here all day listing the thing you are not.

Bad news, perv. You're not going on any dates. You're going to stay home with Me!