I can't imagine what it's like for you, being married to someone who you have to conceal so much of yourself from. Here you are sneaking around to buy a clip which you'll jerk off too, in secret. She has no idea just how much you hide from her. Did you ever ask her to dominate you & she said no? She didn't want a submissive wimp for a husband. She saw a tiny bit of the real you & has been disgusted by you ever since. So now you hide it & go deeper behind her back. She'd leave you if she found out, wouldn't she? She'll leave you one day & find someone else, but you'll be forever alone.