I’m so proud of your gaining. I rub your round belly and talk about how much progress you’ve been making. Unfortunately I have some bad news. You’ve been keeping me up way too late and I wasn’t able to make you breakfast. If you can finish this bag of chips for me I’ll order you IHOP. Deal?

I know Doritos at 8am isn’t ideal but it’s better than nothing. Still shoving calories down your greedy throat. That’s really all that matters.

I’m so proud of your gaining. I rub your round belly and talk about how much progress you’ve been making. Unfortunately I have some bad news. You’ve been keeping me up way too late and I wasn’t able to make you breakfast. If you can finish this bag of chips for me I’ll order you IHOP. Deal?

I know Doritos at 8am isn’t ideal but it’s better than nothing. Still shoving calories down your greedy throat. That’s really all that matters.