Christmas. Just the word gives me hives. Those twinkling lights that seem to vomit glitter everywhere, the sappy songs that hammer your brain, the obligation to pretend to be euphoric and to attend endless dinners with relatives you see once a year... a real nightmare.
I hate the hypocrisy of Christmas, display of affection and the rush for useless gifts, often made only out of duty. I hate the crowded streets, the stressed people, the kilometer-long lines in the shops. I hate having to smile at Santa Claus, a grotesque figure who represents unbridled consumerism.
And then, let's fa...

Christmas. Just the word gives me hives. Those twinkling lights that seem to vomit glitter everywhere, the sappy songs that hammer your brain, the obligation to pretend to be euphoric and to attend endless dinners with relatives you see once a year... a real nightmare.
I hate the hypocrisy of Christmas, display of affection and the rush for useless gifts, often made only out of duty. I hate the crowded streets, the stressed people, the kilometer-long lines in the shops. I hate having to smile at Santa Claus, a grotesque figure who represents unbridled consumerism.
And then, let's face it, Christmas food is overrated. Dry panettone, cloying nougat, cotechino that makes you regret a salad. No, thank you.
That's why I love going into shops and farting like never before, filling people's noses with gas. It's my little revenge.
Want to hear it?

Natale. Solo a dirlo mi viene l'orticaria. Quelle lucine che sembrano vomitare glitter ovunque, le canzoni sdolcinate che ti martellano il cervello, l'obbligo di fingerti euforico e di partecipare a infinite cene con i parenti che vedi una volta all'anno... un vero incubo.
Odio l'ipocrisia del Natale, le dimostrazioni di affetto e la corsa ai regali inutili, spesso fatti solo per dovere. Odio le strade affollate, la gente stressata, le file chilometriche nei negozi. Odio dover sorridere a Babbo Natale, una figura grottesca che rappresenta il consumismo sfrenato.
E poi, diciamocelo, il cibo natalizio è sopravvalutato. Il panettone secco, il torrone stucchevole, il cotechino che ti fa rimpiangere l'insalata. No, grazie.
Ecco perché adoro entrare nei negozi e scoreggiare come non mai, riempiendo il naso della gente di gas. È la mia piccola vendetta.
Vuoi sentirla?