My jeans are tighter than ever!

Just about a year ago these jeans fit me just fine. But now?

I'm bursting out of these damn things!

I've gained so much weight that getting these jeans on seems like an absolutely impossible task.

How much bouncing, shaking, and pulling do I need to do?

Can I get these jeans over my massive cellulite covered ass?

And, most importantly, if I can get them on is there any way I can button them?